


Frankly Provocative

by mrpicard



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Awkward Dates, Bickering, M/M, Naked Q, Picard is not amused, Ready Room Is Always Ready, Roses, Sexual Tension, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 16:10:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrpicard/pseuds/mrpicard
Summary: Q has a naughty surprise for his favorite captain.





	Frankly Provocative

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was inspired by [this Tumblr post](https://dataq.tumblr.com/post/168135180361/picard-enters-his-ready-room-to-find-it-filled). I modified the premise slightly, but the basis of the suggestion remains.

  
Picard slowly walked up to the door of his ready room, it opened and -  
  
"Bonsoir, mon capitaine!"  
  
Q was lying on the desk in a rather seductive-looking pose. It was not only that, however: He was also stark naked and holding a red rose between his teeth.  
  
Picard quickly took a step forward so that the door would close behind him - no need for an unnecessary bridge crew audience. "Q, what -"  
  
The entity took the rose out of his mouth. "Sssh. Don't say anything. Just enjoy the unusual view."  
  
"Q, there's nothing unusual here since this is not the first time you've appeared like this in front of me."  
  
"Perhaps, but the last time I _had_ to - this time I _chose_ to." Q shifted slightly. "So... what do you say?"  
  
"I dread to ask _why_ you chose not to wear one of your elaborate costumes this time."  
  
Q rolled his eyes. "You're missing the point - aren't you humans supposed to be shocked by a sudden display like this?"  
  
"This might disappoint you, but you are _not_ the first naked man I find myself looking at."  
  
"But I'm not a man."  
  
"You _do_ appear as one."  
  
"Only because _you_ couldn't comprehend my true form."  
  
"Do we have to debate this now?"  
  
Q pouted. "And here I was, thinking you'd like some cheering up after that dull mapping mission you just went through."  
  
"I sincerely doubt that your definition of 'cheering up' matches mine in _any_ way. Also, given the fact that your appearances usually are a threat to my ship and my crew -"  
  
"Oh lighten up," Q interrupted. "This time I'm really here just for you."  
  
"And what, if I may ask, do you expect me to do now?"  
  
Q smiled mischievously. "Even _your_ limited human brain should grasp the implications here."  
  
Picard frowned. "You cannot seriously believe that I would be willing to... to..."  
  
"Have some good, old-fashioned human sex with me?"  
  
"Yes. I mean, no."  
  
Q grinned. "Which one, mon capitaine?"  
  
Picard simply glared at him.  
  
"Alright, alright. You really have a particularly cold way of turning people down. No wonder you're single."  
  
"I have no desire to discuss my personal life with you, Q."  
  
"You seem to have no desire _at all_ ," Q shot back.  
  
"What do you expect?" Picard huffed. "You appear out of nowhere in a state of undress, and you -"  
  
"Simply want to help you have a good time...?"  
  
"I _was_ having a good time - without _you_ ," Picard said tonelessly.  
  
"That's what you want me to believe, but you and I both know that deep inside you there's a particularly interesting thought that you've tried to ignore ever since we met at Farpoint: 'What would it be like to end up in bed with Q?' You even almost admitted it to me once - what did you say? 'To learn about you is, frankly, provocative'?"  
  
Picard said nothing.  
  
"Ah, so you're not denying it."  
  
"I will admit that you represent a certain... fascination on many levels, but at the same time you also represent omnipotent chaos and disarray, which both far outweigh the fascination."  
  
"So our date is off?"  
  
"There never was a date, Q." Picard sighed. "And now, at the risk of being rude again -"  
  
"I know, I know. I'm overstaying my welcome. Again." Q raised his hand, snapped his fingers and was gone.  
  
"That was too easy," Picard muttered and remained where he was, just in case.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
He waited a few more moments and then he shrugged, slowly walked up to his desk and around it, sat down - and immediately jumped up again, whirled around and looked at the red rose on his chair whose thorns somehow seemed a lot bigger than normal ones.  
  
A soft giggle came out of nowhere, almost like a whisper, so faint that Picard wasn't sure whether it had actually been there or not.


End file.
